he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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