the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
