Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
