Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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