i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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