the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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