I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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