not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
