My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize