dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
