Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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