I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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