My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
