you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
