Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
