My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
