im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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