I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
