i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
