i just had sex bonerless
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
