i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
