Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
