I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
