And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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