her vagina looked like bernie madoff
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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