remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
