you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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