She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
