Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Panties = found
Randomize
