birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
