haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
