I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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