I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
