so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am one with the molecules
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
