Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
