I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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