she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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