kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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