so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize