Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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