dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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