People in love make me want to vomit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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