I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
