Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
