Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
