____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
