My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
