I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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