I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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