ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
