I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
