and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
