He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
