That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i believe in u and ur pee
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
