I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
