I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
