I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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