I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
