your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
