Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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