last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
a search helicopter?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
