I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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