watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
