id be glad to
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
