I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
