sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
