you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The adults are the big ones right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize