I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
